Screen Actors Guild Awards 2012

The red carpet at the SAG awards was highly disappointing. For the most part, everyone was either blah, or just completely heinous. And as a side note, its better to be completely heinous than blah, at least it makes it fun to critique. If you are a celebrity, it's better to have people talking about you than not at all, even if they are saying you look tres fug. Which, don't worry, I'm going to say about a lot of these ladies. First, though, the best dressed of the evening.

Number 5

Emily Blunt in Oscar de la Renta. Love the kelly green shade. It fits her like a glove and flatters her body. Lea Michelle, take note: this is how you do a slit, and this is how you do an asymmetrical one shoulder.

Number 4

Naya Rivera in Reem Acra. Gorgeous. It fits her perfectly. I love the beading on the dress, and her breezy mermaid hair gives the dress a softer, more undone feel. Love it!

Number 3

Stacy Keibler in Marchesa. Gorgeous dress and lovely hair and makeup. There was not a picture of her without George to be found, which really says it all. Sorry, Stacy, but you would not have been allowed in without him. If George Clooney dates you, you are generally not very smart and you never have an accomplished or prestigious career. Oh, wait, I totally forgot Stacy Keibler was a WWE Diva!!!! Clearly she is the one that broke Clooney's pattern. Ha.

Number 2

Jayma Mays in Reem Acra. Stunning. She manages to look so hot without showing much at all. Keeping the hair simple and pulled back was the right choice.

Number 1

Rose Byrne in Elie Saab. She is white-hot fierce. If you follow my blog, you will know that I am extremely into the seventies, so it will come as no surprise that this is my number one look. The fact that she said she was inspired by Michelle Pfeiffer's charater Elvira in Scarface makes me love this even more!

And now....the worst!

Number 5

Lea Michele in Atelier Versace. Well, I'm fairly certain that Lea thinks she looks pretty hot. Sadly she is sorely mistaken. She not only looks awful fashion-wise, but all this ridiculous posing and strutting makes her look like a complete asshole. The slit is way too high, and her legs are not good enough for a mega-slit. She is no Charlize Theron. And a closed-toe pointy stiletto with this dress??? Who styled her? An idiot, clearly. Her hair doesn't go with the dress, although it does cover up one of those gross little pointless asymmetrical strap things she has going on. It's just a hot mess.

Number 4

Michelle Williams in Valentino. Red lace...the favorite fabric of saloon girls, and Vegas hookers. And the length? So wrong. Why the #*@! would she wear prom shoes??? Red satin shoes?!?!?! Really!?!?!?! Oh, right, because with that length you need something worth showing off.

Number 3

Angelina Jolie in Jenny Packman. She is wearing a garbage bag. How fitting that it is also full of garbage (ie, her). HA! I hate the saggy sad neckline of this dress, it really is everything that could go wrong with a cowl neck. The shiny black fabric looks kind of on the cheap side of things. What is wrong with Angie these days? Normally she looks great, but lately she is a big fat (well, really more shrivelled up) fashion fail.

Number 2

Kristen Wiig in Balenciaga. Wow, well, I don't think I even need to say anything about the choker. There really aren't words. Choker aside, this dress does not work. It's unflattering to her body, the top half is all baggy and saggy, the colour is blah, and its too long. Ew, I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Number 1

Shailene Woodley in L'Wren Scott. The shape of this dress is actually quite nice, but I loathe this print. You cannot take a simple shape like this, stick a freaking Hawaiian hibiscus print on it, and walk the red carpet. Sadly, I think she was attempting to pay homage to the setting of her film, The Descendants. Meryl Streep didn't show up in a Union Jack dress just because her film was set in England! What kind of thinking is that? Shailene was nominated for a Golden Globe and a bunch of other awards this year, her film is up for Best Picture at the Oscars, she is having her breakout moment, bitch needs to get herself a stylist!!! I nominated Shailene for number one worst dressed because of how much potential she had to be the best dressed, and she was just a fail. So sad.

Who was your best and worst?

Golden Globes 2012

I have compiled a list of the five best-dressed and five worst-dressed attendees of the 2012 Golden Globes ceremony. Who was your best and worst?

Number 1

Salma Hayek in Gucci. I love, love, love this art-deco inspired gown. Of course she had to be number one, her globes are golden!!! Hahahahahaha....really, I'm just jealous of this bitch's incredible rack.

Number 2

Emma Stone in Lanvin, with an eagle belt! I love how this dress is just sheer enough, with the slightest flash of leg. And I love the shoulders. And the colour. Really, this is tied for number one, but I had to give it to Salma, what with her golden globes and all.

Number 3

Charlize Theron in Dior Haute Couture. Obviously. What else would she be wearing? Love the headband, love the shoes, love the leg.

Number 4

Sofia Vergara in Vera Wang. This bitch knows how to work a mermaid dress. And the navy is very now.

Number 5: Its a Tie!

Laura Dern in Andrew Gn.

Evan Rachael Wood in Gucci. This reminds me of a mermaid crossed with Black Swan, in a really good way. Both Ms. Dern and Ms Wood would have ranked much higher in score for their dresses, but both of them lost major points for hair. Bad hair can ruin a look. I wish Ms. Dern would have had straight hair with this dress, and I think that Ms. Wood would have looked better as a bruntte. If I was ranking the looks on the dress alone, these two likely would have been second and third, but due to poor styling they ended up tied for fifth...

Now for the worst...in descending order, I'm saving the worst for last.

Number 5

Angelina Jolie in Atelier Versace. I hate the matching bag, lips, and colour slash at the neck. Barf. Also, she should have worn nude shoes. The top half of this dress is extremely cheap-looking (remind anyone else of Le Chateau, perhaps?). To top it off, she is giving herself terrible proportions, her shoulders look way wider than her hips. The only redeeming feature of this is the detailing at the waist.

Number 4

Laura Linney in J. Mendel. Ick, this looks SO CHEAP. The length is awkward and it doesn't fit her very well. This looks something that would be worn at a junior high graduation.

Number 3

Madonna in Reem Acra. Everyone else has moved on from the fingerless gloves and the giant crosses, so why can't she? Bitch needs to find a new way to be relevant. The bottom half of her dress looks as though it was fashioned from bits of leftover Christmas wrapping paper. Just looking at the top half makes my boobs hurt.

Number 2

Jessica Biel in Elie Saab. She has three boobs. And one of her toes in creeping out of her shoe. Oh, and her dress is hideous. I think Emily Bronte might have liked this.

Number 1

Michelle Williams in Jason Wu. Velvet is unforgiveable. And so is her headband. I also feel she deserves to be punished because the only person she thanked was her daughter for her best actress win for My Week with Marilyn Monroe. In what world exactly, does a seven-year-old have any sort of influence on how well someone can portray the most famous woman who ever lived? I bet she picked this heinous dress, too.

Cinematic Inspiration

If you have been following my blog you will know that lately I have been really into fashion influenced by the seventies. I am not sure how I overlooked Dazed and Confused in my Fashion in the Movies post, but I watched it the other night, and it really has the best seventies fashion. High-waisted bell bottoms, fringe, peasant tops, and clogs.

Milla Jovovich in Dazed and Confused. Love the jeans and the belt, but I think I will pass on tube top and fringe. The key to wearing fashion from another decade is to edit it, and wear it in a modern way to avoid looking like you are in costume.

The senior girls, in their hazing uniforms: denim cutoffs, knee socks, and baseball tees. I do like the slightly loose-fitting shorts that fully cover both cheeks (unlike most cutoff shorts of this century) and the brown leather belts, but I would pass on the socks.

Joey Lauren Adams and Parker Posey. Love the wooden wedges. Love the whole thing, actually.

Hanging out in the washroom. Love the long hair with the little braids. Very hippie-chic.

My favorite scene from Dazed and Confused is when the girls are getting ready for the party, and one of them is lying down while her friend does up her jeans for her with a pair of pliers because they are so tight!

I think one of the things that I love the most about seventies fashion is that it is so flattering. Flares generally make you look better than skinnies. While I do still like a good skinny jean, lately I have been more partial to my flares.

Claudia Schiffer wearing her version of hippie-chic. The MIH (Made in Heaven) jeans are really cute, but the shoes are all kinds of wrong.

A better choice would have been these Miu Miu cork wedges.

...Or, these Lanvin snakeskin wedges. Not getting a pair of the wedges from this collection (resort 2011) is one of my greatest regrets.

Make sure that your bell bottoms cover almost the entire shoe, this will make you look really tall. A bell bottom flapping around at your ankle just looks weird.

This blouse from Judith and Charles would look amazing tucked into a pair or high rise flares.

Feather earrings add some seventies boho-chic to any outfit.

Add a brown leather belt with gold hardware, and why not make it a Gucci belt? Gucci has definitely embraced the return of seventies glamour.

I would also recommend vintage, if you can get your hands on it. And you have to tell me where you find it!